Now for a biggie.
Everyone has a fundamental right to follow their beliefs, no matter how wacky. What I do not want is for them to force their views on me. For myself I do believe in God, despite what my sons and Richard Dawkins say.
Catholicism
A church that has historically been tainted with brutality and torture, and, more recently with allegations of child abuse. I was born and notionally raised a Catholic but married in a CofE church and subsequently divorced. It is very hard to believe in the Catholic church when, despite pleading poverty owns billions of dollars worth of property.
Islam
To me Islam occupies the place where Catholicism once stood. Instead of the crusades we now have the jihad. Instead of the Spanish Inquisition we haveAl-Queda. Like a lot of religons Islam has its fair share of nutters. But in Islams case these are nutters with weapons in a world where it is never been easier to manufacture an atomic device.
I have read both the Bible and the Koran in parts and to me they appear to be pretty much the same but I believe in neither. They are both made by man as “the word of God” I believe in God period.
To my mind the world would be a better place if those two books never existed and we all just saw God. In the end it is the ‘word of God’ that divdies us all.
Judasism coming soon
Monday, 13 September 2010
Sunday, 12 September 2010
07 - TV I Like
Going against the grain here instead of moaning I'm going to laud the programs I like
Heartbeat
OK, so its predictable and the acting can be a bit dodgy but its set in yorkshire and has a decent soundtrack. also the culture fascists hate it which in my mind is a positive thing..
All Creatures Great and Small
Sublime...
Alan Partridge
Cringely funny..
This is England 86
The original film was impressive and I had doubts when I heard that a 'follow up' TV version was being made. After the first one those doubts proved to be unfounded - brilliant acting. My only quibble was with the cast changes but that may have been out of the directors control. Only seen part 1 as yet hope the standard is maintained for part 2 and beyond..
The Young Ones
Back to the 80's and as funny now as it was then. So full of quotes. Absolutely brilliant. I remember watching this first time round (against my wifes wishes) and found it incredibly funny. It broke all of the rules of traditional sitcom and was truly groundbreaking. Why don't they make TV like this anymore?
Blackadder Series 2 - 4
Not a fan of series 1. Series 4 the best and the ending of the last program, paying respect to those who died in WW1, probably the best ending in TV history.
Heartbeat
OK, so its predictable and the acting can be a bit dodgy but its set in yorkshire and has a decent soundtrack. also the culture fascists hate it which in my mind is a positive thing..
All Creatures Great and Small
Sublime...
Alan Partridge
Cringely funny..
This is England 86
The original film was impressive and I had doubts when I heard that a 'follow up' TV version was being made. After the first one those doubts proved to be unfounded - brilliant acting. My only quibble was with the cast changes but that may have been out of the directors control. Only seen part 1 as yet hope the standard is maintained for part 2 and beyond..
The Young Ones
Back to the 80's and as funny now as it was then. So full of quotes. Absolutely brilliant. I remember watching this first time round (against my wifes wishes) and found it incredibly funny. It broke all of the rules of traditional sitcom and was truly groundbreaking. Why don't they make TV like this anymore?
Blackadder Series 2 - 4
Not a fan of series 1. Series 4 the best and the ending of the last program, paying respect to those who died in WW1, probably the best ending in TV history.
Saturday, 11 September 2010
06 - TV Programmes
Programs I hate the most - in no particular order:
The X factor
Dragons Den
Celebrity reality shows
X Factor
Just over 50 years ago Elvis laid down "Heartbreak Hotel" and thus Rock and Roll was born. Though the sixties and seventies music progressed via the Beatles, Stones, Beach Boys, Dylan, Pink Floyd, the Pistols and a whole plethora of individuals and bands who advanced the art of music further and further, always pushing the envelope.
We have now shifted into reverse gear with 5 minute wannabees, exploited by Cowell and Co. Music has become bland, bland, bland...
People uum and aah when there is friction between the judges. Well I'll let you into a secret - its all scripted!!!
...and as for the families gushing behind the scenes - well welcome to pikey heaven..
X-Factor academy also known as Macdonalds.
Dragons Den
These guys want it handed to them on a plate. Must be trading, must be patented, must have a good track record. Why don't the contestants tell the smug bastards to stick their money up their ars*.
Celebrity Reality Shows
If I see another contestant break down and cry because "I can't take anymore" I am going to pick my TV up march to Celeb Island, North Pole or wherever they have been plonked and ram it straight where the sun don't shine. Robson Green - this means you!!!!
Channel 4
Now, heres a thing C4, tell you what why don't you place your TV programs on youtube recomended for me and then tell me I can't view it in my country!!!!! Twats...
The X factor
Dragons Den
Celebrity reality shows
X Factor
Just over 50 years ago Elvis laid down "Heartbreak Hotel" and thus Rock and Roll was born. Though the sixties and seventies music progressed via the Beatles, Stones, Beach Boys, Dylan, Pink Floyd, the Pistols and a whole plethora of individuals and bands who advanced the art of music further and further, always pushing the envelope.
We have now shifted into reverse gear with 5 minute wannabees, exploited by Cowell and Co. Music has become bland, bland, bland...
People uum and aah when there is friction between the judges. Well I'll let you into a secret - its all scripted!!!
...and as for the families gushing behind the scenes - well welcome to pikey heaven..
X-Factor academy also known as Macdonalds.
Dragons Den
These guys want it handed to them on a plate. Must be trading, must be patented, must have a good track record. Why don't the contestants tell the smug bastards to stick their money up their ars*.
Celebrity Reality Shows
If I see another contestant break down and cry because "I can't take anymore" I am going to pick my TV up march to Celeb Island, North Pole or wherever they have been plonked and ram it straight where the sun don't shine. Robson Green - this means you!!!!
Channel 4
Now, heres a thing C4, tell you what why don't you place your TV programs on youtube recomended for me and then tell me I can't view it in my country!!!!! Twats...
Friday, 10 September 2010
05 - Daytime Telly
This is currently in draft:
Ho hum
Anyway I am discharged from hospital in mid June. I am completely unable to walk. The driver wheels me from the ambulance to my house and literally tips me into the house –vey much like one does with manure in a wheel barrow. Thanks mate!!
With some help from my brother and brother-in-law I crawl across the floor and helped onto the bed.
Although I didn’t know it at the time I would be at home for another five months.
What follows is my observations on the Television I was forced to watch during the day while recuperating:
Jeremy Kyle
What do people see in daytime television? Jeremy Kyle appears to be populated by chavs and pikeys. And why does he always SHOUT. Typical response from Jeremy to some ‘poor unfortunate soul’ would be: “ARE YOU GLAD THAT YOU SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER IN LAWS GOLDFISHES SON. DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD. LOOK INTO HER EYES!! YOU MAKE ME SICK” (wild audience applause) – OK I might have embroided it a little bit but you get the idea…
The program nearly always have some woman who has been hard done by a lover - usually by sleeping with her best friend, sister or mother, or in extreme cases her brother. Tears would flow, there would be an attempt by one party to punch the other and a ‘surprise’ guest would turn up – normally the aforementioned best friend, sister, mother or brother. At which point the program would turn into a slanging match (more of a musical slanging match actually, with the number of beeps one hears) an example of the ‘Conversation’:
“I ****** LUV ‘IM ALRIGHT”
“YOU ******* ‘ORE, E’S BEEN WIV ME, ‘E ******* WELL LUVS ME ‘E DOES’
“DON’T CALL ME A ******** ‘ORE YOU BITCH” – Attempts a punch..
And so on and on…
The weird thing is they are cliché people. You just have to take a quick glance at the way they dress and their demeanour and you know exactly how they’re going to act. For example:
The women – mostly very overweight, or if a druggie extremely skinny. They will all have a ‘Croydon tieback’.
The men – seriously spotty faced. Hair will be cropped and have copious amounts of grease applied. To a man they will be wearing a shell suit or at the very least track suit bottoms.
Jeremy Kyle a loathsome reptile of a man presides over the ‘debates’. Many of the shows characteristics have been imported from the American format (mainly Jerry Springer I suspect). One thing I have noticed is that during the showing each problem has to be more grotesque then the preceding one. It’s a bit like reading a compendium horror novel where each chapter contains torture more horrifying than the previous chapter.
What I mean is that the show may start with a couple having the usual sexual problems. It is followed by a man having an affair with his wife’s sister. Next up two people who have had a sex change cheating on the respective partners. Then finally a mother who is having an affair with her granddaughters boyfriend and so on. Each revelation is met with gasps and cries of “how could he?”
The worrying thing is I know people like this..( the audience I mean not the protagonists)
ITV3 - General
Why is it ITV cant ever start a program on time. And another thing why, oh why do they show television series out of sequence.
I was sitting at home one afternoon watching Heartbeat. All of a sudden PC Rowan raises his head. “UH?” – he emigrated to Canada yesterday. Not only that his wife appears – she died several programs ago.
The following day PC Rowan is in Canada again. What is going on??
Repo Man
Another ‘reality series on Bravo. Until you see the word ‘reproduction’ at the beginning and realise its all staged. Now looking back some of it was just a tad ‘theatrical’
UK Gold
I’ve moaned about this somewhere else on this blog but its worth further comment… STOP ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES AND LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE..
Digital channels in general – Stop moving things from Alibi channel to Watch and then saying ‘its exclusive’ we’re not stupid. By the way if people have Alibi then they will have the Watch channel as well so don’t you think they would of seen the ‘exclusive’ program already.
While we are about it three men in another boat started with episode 1 so can you please start it at episode 1 and not 2 NUMPTIES!!.
Well...here we go again. Another 'themed' programming from UK Gold. This time a western theme starring the 'magnificent 7' - Well golly gosh, its Only Fools, Blackadder, Royle Family and so on....... and heres me expecting a rarely seen series...How totally unexpected - sarcasm btw
Ho hum
Anyway I am discharged from hospital in mid June. I am completely unable to walk. The driver wheels me from the ambulance to my house and literally tips me into the house –vey much like one does with manure in a wheel barrow. Thanks mate!!
With some help from my brother and brother-in-law I crawl across the floor and helped onto the bed.
Although I didn’t know it at the time I would be at home for another five months.
What follows is my observations on the Television I was forced to watch during the day while recuperating:
Jeremy Kyle
What do people see in daytime television? Jeremy Kyle appears to be populated by chavs and pikeys. And why does he always SHOUT. Typical response from Jeremy to some ‘poor unfortunate soul’ would be: “ARE YOU GLAD THAT YOU SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER IN LAWS GOLDFISHES SON. DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD. LOOK INTO HER EYES!! YOU MAKE ME SICK” (wild audience applause) – OK I might have embroided it a little bit but you get the idea…
The program nearly always have some woman who has been hard done by a lover - usually by sleeping with her best friend, sister or mother, or in extreme cases her brother. Tears would flow, there would be an attempt by one party to punch the other and a ‘surprise’ guest would turn up – normally the aforementioned best friend, sister, mother or brother. At which point the program would turn into a slanging match (more of a musical slanging match actually, with the number of beeps one hears) an example of the ‘Conversation’:
“I ****** LUV ‘IM ALRIGHT”
“YOU ******* ‘ORE, E’S BEEN WIV ME, ‘E ******* WELL LUVS ME ‘E DOES’
“DON’T CALL ME A ******** ‘ORE YOU BITCH” – Attempts a punch..
And so on and on…
The weird thing is they are cliché people. You just have to take a quick glance at the way they dress and their demeanour and you know exactly how they’re going to act. For example:
The women – mostly very overweight, or if a druggie extremely skinny. They will all have a ‘Croydon tieback’.
The men – seriously spotty faced. Hair will be cropped and have copious amounts of grease applied. To a man they will be wearing a shell suit or at the very least track suit bottoms.
Jeremy Kyle a loathsome reptile of a man presides over the ‘debates’. Many of the shows characteristics have been imported from the American format (mainly Jerry Springer I suspect). One thing I have noticed is that during the showing each problem has to be more grotesque then the preceding one. It’s a bit like reading a compendium horror novel where each chapter contains torture more horrifying than the previous chapter.
What I mean is that the show may start with a couple having the usual sexual problems. It is followed by a man having an affair with his wife’s sister. Next up two people who have had a sex change cheating on the respective partners. Then finally a mother who is having an affair with her granddaughters boyfriend and so on. Each revelation is met with gasps and cries of “how could he?”
The worrying thing is I know people like this..( the audience I mean not the protagonists)
ITV3 - General
Why is it ITV cant ever start a program on time. And another thing why, oh why do they show television series out of sequence.
I was sitting at home one afternoon watching Heartbeat. All of a sudden PC Rowan raises his head. “UH?” – he emigrated to Canada yesterday. Not only that his wife appears – she died several programs ago.
The following day PC Rowan is in Canada again. What is going on??
Repo Man
Another ‘reality series on Bravo. Until you see the word ‘reproduction’ at the beginning and realise its all staged. Now looking back some of it was just a tad ‘theatrical’
UK Gold
I’ve moaned about this somewhere else on this blog but its worth further comment… STOP ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES AND LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE..
Digital channels in general – Stop moving things from Alibi channel to Watch and then saying ‘its exclusive’ we’re not stupid. By the way if people have Alibi then they will have the Watch channel as well so don’t you think they would of seen the ‘exclusive’ program already.
While we are about it three men in another boat started with episode 1 so can you please start it at episode 1 and not 2 NUMPTIES!!.
Well...here we go again. Another 'themed' programming from UK Gold. This time a western theme starring the 'magnificent 7' - Well golly gosh, its Only Fools, Blackadder, Royle Family and so on....... and heres me expecting a rarely seen series...How totally unexpected - sarcasm btw
04 - Illness - 1
Ho hum
Illness. What a pain in the butt this is. The story: In March 2009 I was rushed into hospital with likely kidney failure, blood clots in the legs and lungs and God knows what else. Stuck in intensive care for several weeks and later 4/5 weeks in a recovery ward. Unable to return back to work for several months.
Hospital:
Can’t complain about the staff, they’re under enough pressure and doing a difficult job in a stressful environment. The only thing I would say is that there is one particular nurse who is definitely ion the wrong profession – that’s all I will say “Bitch”…
Anyhows most of the nurses were really good.
I was having tremendous problems being able to walk and thought I would never walk again. A physio said that is rubbish as at 52 I was still considered to be a young person. That cheered me up. Until………the following day I heard the same physio tell the patient next to me “78..we don’t consider that to be old at all” Next day patient is transferred out to another ward. The night following he passed away…oh dear…
The three most depressing things about being in hospital for the long term is the relentless boredom, the food and your fellow patients. The boredom was compounded by the fact that there was no television on the ward.
The highlight of my stay in the recovery war was the ‘escape’ of a patient to the outside world. Patients stood at my window watched as he tried to get on bus while being pulled back by nurses and security guards.
The thing about being a long term patient is you see a quick turnaround of other patients. Being that there is not much else to do you tend to make conversation. In a ward of 4 patients (including me) there must have been 10/12 patients in and out. They ranged from a West Indian ex RAF flyer, a Hungarian ex-wrestler to an elderly German who used to sleepwalk (with the drip attached). There was bloke who couldn’t walk but was convinced he could (cue pressing the emergency button at 2am, 2.30am and so on), a young Italian lad who all the nurses seemed to fancy (Git!) and another who was a “tad” religious – he told his visitors/followers that he had visions of seeing the holy David.
One meal was so bad that even the nurse said I shouldn’t eat it. The Italian lad next to me wouldn’t eat the food at all and ordered a Pizza over the phone. The West Indian guy got his family to bring in some terrific home made West Indian food.
In general the care was exceptional except when it came to the ‘water functions’
Having an attachment to allow you to pee in a bag – apart from the embarrassment - is that it used to become detached during the night and you would wake up in the morning in a bed of your own pee. For some reason this was deemed to be ‘my fault’.
I was finally asked if I wanted the attachment removed. I asked if it would be painful to remove to which the nurse replied ‘of course not’. I can only assume that she thought I was asking if it would be painful for her because IT WAS for me. Later, on reflection I wondered what I expected the nurse to say – she wasn’t going to say ‘yes, it is bloody painful’…
The physios were due to visit me everyday and I use to dread it. Again on reflection they were right and I should not have been so reluctant I’m sure my recovery would have been quicker if I had been more cooperative. My only complaint was on their first visit when I was simply dumped in a chair with an excruciating back pain.
One thing I did discover – Morphine. On the first Saturday night I woke screaming with pains in my kidneys. The nurse rushed to see me and left to phone someone. It sounded as if she was trying to get authorisation. She and a colleague returned and replaced my drip bag with a morphine concoction. Within seconds I felt as if I was floating. I can see how people get addicted. If only it were legal..
Anyway, in case you are reading - a big thankyou to the nurses (except one), doctors, physios and other staff who looked after me in Central Middlesex and I haven’t forgotten the chocolates.
Highlights of my stay: Family and work colleagues coming to me. The morphine
Next installment ….At home recovering..
Illness. What a pain in the butt this is. The story: In March 2009 I was rushed into hospital with likely kidney failure, blood clots in the legs and lungs and God knows what else. Stuck in intensive care for several weeks and later 4/5 weeks in a recovery ward. Unable to return back to work for several months.
Hospital:
Can’t complain about the staff, they’re under enough pressure and doing a difficult job in a stressful environment. The only thing I would say is that there is one particular nurse who is definitely ion the wrong profession – that’s all I will say “Bitch”…
Anyhows most of the nurses were really good.
I was having tremendous problems being able to walk and thought I would never walk again. A physio said that is rubbish as at 52 I was still considered to be a young person. That cheered me up. Until………the following day I heard the same physio tell the patient next to me “78..we don’t consider that to be old at all” Next day patient is transferred out to another ward. The night following he passed away…oh dear…
The three most depressing things about being in hospital for the long term is the relentless boredom, the food and your fellow patients. The boredom was compounded by the fact that there was no television on the ward.
The highlight of my stay in the recovery war was the ‘escape’ of a patient to the outside world. Patients stood at my window watched as he tried to get on bus while being pulled back by nurses and security guards.
The thing about being a long term patient is you see a quick turnaround of other patients. Being that there is not much else to do you tend to make conversation. In a ward of 4 patients (including me) there must have been 10/12 patients in and out. They ranged from a West Indian ex RAF flyer, a Hungarian ex-wrestler to an elderly German who used to sleepwalk (with the drip attached). There was bloke who couldn’t walk but was convinced he could (cue pressing the emergency button at 2am, 2.30am and so on), a young Italian lad who all the nurses seemed to fancy (Git!) and another who was a “tad” religious – he told his visitors/followers that he had visions of seeing the holy David.
One meal was so bad that even the nurse said I shouldn’t eat it. The Italian lad next to me wouldn’t eat the food at all and ordered a Pizza over the phone. The West Indian guy got his family to bring in some terrific home made West Indian food.
In general the care was exceptional except when it came to the ‘water functions’
Having an attachment to allow you to pee in a bag – apart from the embarrassment - is that it used to become detached during the night and you would wake up in the morning in a bed of your own pee. For some reason this was deemed to be ‘my fault’.
I was finally asked if I wanted the attachment removed. I asked if it would be painful to remove to which the nurse replied ‘of course not’. I can only assume that she thought I was asking if it would be painful for her because IT WAS for me. Later, on reflection I wondered what I expected the nurse to say – she wasn’t going to say ‘yes, it is bloody painful’…
The physios were due to visit me everyday and I use to dread it. Again on reflection they were right and I should not have been so reluctant I’m sure my recovery would have been quicker if I had been more cooperative. My only complaint was on their first visit when I was simply dumped in a chair with an excruciating back pain.
One thing I did discover – Morphine. On the first Saturday night I woke screaming with pains in my kidneys. The nurse rushed to see me and left to phone someone. It sounded as if she was trying to get authorisation. She and a colleague returned and replaced my drip bag with a morphine concoction. Within seconds I felt as if I was floating. I can see how people get addicted. If only it were legal..
Anyway, in case you are reading - a big thankyou to the nurses (except one), doctors, physios and other staff who looked after me in Central Middlesex and I haven’t forgotten the chocolates.
Highlights of my stay: Family and work colleagues coming to me. The morphine
Next installment ….At home recovering..
Thursday, 9 September 2010
03 - Moans - Life
Why is it that to do my job there are increasingly layers of software I need to access before I can do it?
Why do some software companys (ie Adobe) sell you software that don't work. When you contact them it will be 'This is a known problem, you need to download patch xxxx' - if its a known problem then FIX IT!!!
Why do Government departments take so long in paying you..
Why is it that my doctors phone insist that I press half a dozen numbers then tells me that the surgery is closed - TELL ME THAT AT THE BEGINNING AND STOP WASTING MY TIME'.
Why does Dreamweaver CS5 fail to connect and then suggest 'you may want to switch this off' - why did DW turn it on in the first place?
I'm getting bored now see ya later..
Why do some software companys (ie Adobe) sell you software that don't work. When you contact them it will be 'This is a known problem, you need to download patch xxxx' - if its a known problem then FIX IT!!!
Why do Government departments take so long in paying you..
Why is it that my doctors phone insist that I press half a dozen numbers then tells me that the surgery is closed - TELL ME THAT AT THE BEGINNING AND STOP WASTING MY TIME'.
Why does Dreamweaver CS5 fail to connect and then suggest 'you may want to switch this off' - why did DW turn it on in the first place?
I'm getting bored now see ya later..
02 - Moans - Television
When is UK Gold EVER going to show a program that has not been shown on its channel at least 100 times - ie will they ever but any more programs.
Please stop showing the same old programs under different 'themes' - ie 'Bad Management Night' featuring The Office and Fawlty Towers. 'Classic Comedy Night' featuring the Office and Fawlty Towers'. 'Genius of Comedy Night' featuring The Office and Fawlty Towers. "Best of British Night' featuring....you get the point.
Also How many times do we have to put up with Only Fools and Horses. Your web site says that every time you take it off, viewers complain. Well I've not seen any of those 'complaints' in your forum but plenty of people asking you to remove it.
Film24 - Message to the guys who work there..."Please note the name of your station, it says FILM24, not "crappybiography24", nor does it say ""wedontshowfilms24" - For Christs sake shows some movies on your channel once in a while...NB the clues in then name of your station..
While we're about it how about updating your website..
BBC - You don't get away scot free either:
Please understand, after all you are supposed to be intelligent people, that an "evening of..." should last more than two hours..
Whats the point of the rolling credits at the end of a program if you plonk a 'Whats on next' filler that takes up half the screen.
ITV - ****
Please stop showing the same old programs under different 'themes' - ie 'Bad Management Night' featuring The Office and Fawlty Towers. 'Classic Comedy Night' featuring the Office and Fawlty Towers'. 'Genius of Comedy Night' featuring The Office and Fawlty Towers. "Best of British Night' featuring....you get the point.
Also How many times do we have to put up with Only Fools and Horses. Your web site says that every time you take it off, viewers complain. Well I've not seen any of those 'complaints' in your forum but plenty of people asking you to remove it.
Film24 - Message to the guys who work there..."Please note the name of your station, it says FILM24, not "crappybiography24", nor does it say ""wedontshowfilms24" - For Christs sake shows some movies on your channel once in a while...NB the clues in then name of your station..
While we're about it how about updating your website..
BBC - You don't get away scot free either:
Please understand, after all you are supposed to be intelligent people, that an "evening of..." should last more than two hours..
Whats the point of the rolling credits at the end of a program if you plonk a 'Whats on next' filler that takes up half the screen.
ITV - ****
01 - Moans - Holidays
Cornwall 2004
Avoid Newquay like the plague. During the day its full of topless red skinned youths. During the evenings its full of drunken topless red skinned youths.
Newquay must be the toilet of Cornwall and the people are'nt very friendly either. I had to ask in a sweet shop where the bus station was only to be told there was'nt one. On leaving the shop I discovered it was next door. They advertise 'Jamaica Inn' all over town but no buses go there!
The hotel made a big thing about its 'lift to the beach' but never worked once when I was there..
The 'traditional Cornish pasty' appears to come in all sorts of flavours except traditional!
Padstow - Now this is a nice place except that the bars appear to be populated by racists....
Scilly Isles - Pleasant enough but the food left something to be desired. I had a lasagne in a bar and it was probably the worst lasagne I have ever had.
Cornwall 2005
I decided this year to do part of the south West Coast Walk. From St Ives to Penzance. so this particular section is dedicated to my adventures and mishaps on that walk.....
This section starts from a beach in St Ives and is tarmac'd. No problem I thought, piece of cake. then within 20 minutes I am climbing over rocks, avoiding and stepping into bogs. This goes on for nearly 2 hours! Not only that but the coves are extremely steep!
Rather feebly I 'climb' down the rocks and back up again to the other side. But I first make sure there is no one within a mile either side of me. If there is I let them pass with th eexcuse I am admiring the view.
After 4 hours I draw out the map to see how far I am from my destination (Zennor) and it is with dismay that I see that I am nearer St Ives then I am to Zennor. But I do notice that there is footpath that leads off to a main road 2 miles over fields. what should I do? no question.... an hour and a half later I'm Zennor bound on a rickety old bus....
I settle into the Tinners Arms and after my fourth (or maybe fifth) Stella I'm studying the map and in walks in a couple who passed me on the walk.
"How did you get here so fast!!" the woman exclaimed.
Not wanting to reveal that I cheated I found myself saying that I took a shortcut.
The next thing I hear is her having a go at her husband for not following this "obviously more experienced walker".
My cue to leave....
From this point on I decide I will do some of the walk on the official path and some on the road. This way I should get a mix of scenery (and of course there are pubs on the road). It is worth pointing that the stiles that dot the paths appear to be, for the most part anyway, not a townies perception of a little wooden thing. Most of them seem to require a skill and are quite steep - you have been warned!
What is it about Cornwall and their food - in my experience it is (almost) universally disgusting!! My advice to anyone wanting to eat in Cornwall is to read the following first:
Dont eat in:
A certain bed and breakfast in Zennor - Run by hippies and had to have a vegetarian breakfast which consisted of a soya sausage, a square hard thing which resembled a waffle but smelt like cardboard dipped in grease and a fried egg with the consistency of a tennis ball.
A hotel in St Just - Just weird, settled down in restaurant for breakfast, only to be told 'this room is for families only - please go to the next room'. After checking that I did'nt have "PERVERT" stamped on my forehead I settled down to breakfast "in the next room" where we were limited to only one cup of coffee, had to pay 30 pence extra for additional toast and have the smallest breakfast I have ever seen.
Finally a pub in Treen, near Porthcurno. Went to the bar to order food. Bizarrely I was told that I had to go next door to order it. Trundle next door. They ask "whats' the table number?" I trundle back and get number, return to next door, give order and table number, return back to the pub, table now occupied by someone else. I move to another table and keep eye out. Chicken and chips arrive and I explain that I have changed tables. The chicken is excreble, the chips (French fries) are cold and greasy. There is more meat in the ash tray than on my chicken. I decide to leave the meal. The guys at Howard Johnsons in NYC must come here for their training....
Coast to Coast - Easter 2006
Whitby - Pickhill
Start from Whitby - very nice fishing port with lots of character. Can see why its used a lot for 1950s/1960s filming.
Walk from Castleton on moor down to Lion Inn in the middle of Yorkshire Moors. The moors seem to go on for ever. Very very windy and in serious danger of getting blown down to the ravines or in front of traffic. Anyway, reach the Lion Inn after about 6 hours walking.
Nice place but staff not over friendly to say the least.
Following morning decide to bus it to Kirkybymoorside and walk to Thirsk.
Olde World Charm, heart of the Dales, Home of James Herriot - that's the publicity. BUT Thirsk is a dump!!!. Get JH souvenirs and retire to a pub for a much needed drink..
Couple of Yorkshire guys start taking p*** out of my London accent:
"Alwight Landan boy!!"
"Cockernee, Cockernee"
Decide to leave drink and walk the three/four miles to pub just outside Pickhill. - At this point I am changing pub and hotel names for reasons which will soon become obvious.
Just outside Pickhill there is a pub called The Red Lion. I stroll in there for a drink and sit down with a really cold lager, a red face and a heavy rucksack. One of the guys at the bar looks at me and says in a really broad Yorkie accent "Where ye walked fram mate"
"Today, from Kirkbmoorside" says I.
"Yow most be bloody mad!!" he says.
And for some strange, unfathomable reason I say (rather forcefully):
"Its for charity actually!!!OK!!
The bar goes quiet and the guy I was having a conversation with asks which charity.
Quick as anything and I dont know why I say "Cancer Research"
The guy then walks over and gives me a five pound note "Sorry mate, me old mum died she died of cancer, it a bloody good cause, well done"
The barman then walks over and gives me a tenner and says "well done" two other people give me pound coins and a child gives me some of her pocket money.
I am now in a bit of a fix all they need to do is to ask for some proof and I'm dead!
Hurriedly I ask for the pubs business card because it has to be all legit and I will need to send a reciept. Ten minutes later I'm out of there.....
That night it does cross my mind that I could pull this in every pub I go into...
Postscript: I was given a total of £18 after thinking about it i wrote a cheque for Cancer Research upon my arrival back in London.
Pickhill - Grassington
To follow
Yorkshire Dales - December 2005
Friday 9th - the start
Arrive at Northallerton and wait for 156 bus to take me to Leyburn for a weekend of walking. For some reason the number on the front of these buses doesn’t match those at the bus stop timetable and I have to settle for a 157. After changing at Bedale I arrive in Leyburn where there is a very tatty market going on - its now 1.30pm and make my way to the Black Swan hotel.
On arrival I am told that there is no reservation for Gwillym but there is a one night for a Mr Guilliam. I have to point out the spelling mistake and tell them its definitely for three nights. Then of course the room isn’t ready and can I come back at 3' o clock - leaving my suitcase there naturally. They will 'take it to my room'.
Leyburn is an average town nowhere near as pretty as some of the Dales ones and does lack character. The first pub of call is the Bolton Arms where I have a delicious Dales pie basically mince, mash and cheese. This is accompanied by a pint of Fosters..
Arrive back at three, suitcase still where I left it and have to drag it up the stairs, the girl first cant find the room and when she does she struggles to get the door open. An ominous feeling comes over me as I enter the room.
I have stayed in some hellholes in my time but......
....The 'ensuite' comprises of a dodgy sink in the corner.
....The television comes complete with a plug but there are no points in the room to plug it into.
.....Wall paper is peeling off the walls.
....Above the bed is 'fitted' (I use the word loosely) cupboards that appear to be made of other bits of furniture.
....The light is hanging precariously from the ceiling
....There are brackets on the wall but no shelves and the room is bloody cold!!
An early night is in order
Saturday 10th
Go down for breakfast, the room is virtually empty. I sit down but am told that my table is in the corner!!!
Anyways up to Aysgarth via Wensley, West Witton and West Constable. At West Constable stop at the Fox and Hounds for lunch. Have a great suet pudding and chips - massive portions and friendly staff - must have been bussed in from London.
Go to Aysgarth up some particularly steep hills, retire to pub for some Fosters ignoring the "Take thy shoes off" notice and then head back to hotel. Weather drizzly but the views are fantastic.
Stop in at Bolton Arms for a quick pint, usual miserable staff. Buy Private eye and retire for the evening
Sunday 11th
Decide to walk to Bolton Abbey. Pleasant views but train is rather run down. Reminds me of 1970's vandalised BR train. Spot pub with a Sunday lunch sign and decide to take advantage. Usual Yorkshire hospitality "have you booked?" - "er, well no actually", "I'll just check to see if we have space". He disappears before I could point out the fact that if he hasn’t got room then he should not f***ing advertise lunches.
Anyway he comes back and says there is a table available. Despite the landlords lack of customer service skills I stay and order the roast beef. As usual the food is fantastic and generous...
Get the train back to Leyburn. Pleasant views but train is a bit rough...
Monday 12th
Breakfast was absolutely disgusting!! Beats NYC Grandmas chicken hands down for the worst ever meal!! Really glad to pack my bags and depart. But its not over yet. As I say my goodbyes the manager asks if I could settle up. now, this is a bit of a shock as I thought I had paid in full by cheque some weeks before. He shows me the 'book' were written in red is "Gwillym - £20 deposit paid" - this leaves a balance of £40. mmmmm........... this is a tad suspicious as when I saw the book on Friday there was nothing written in there except "Guilliam". Luckily there is a cash point opposite the 'hotel' and I apologise and pay up......
As I have some time to kill I get a bus to Hawes and have a look around. For the first time I get a postbus back to Leyburn. This is a journey I will repeat as it goes all over the place including all the backwater villages.
Back at Leyburn I catch bus to Northallerton and train back to London.
As a postscript I discovered that I had paid the hotel and write a (restrained)letter to the hotel asking for return of money - which they send back...
NYC New Years Eve 2004
Air India
Last time we went to US we flew United Airlines, had wide seats, polite staff, decent food (for an airline anyway), free drinks, choice of DVD films that we could watch on screens that were embedded in back of seats, free earphones, blanket and pillow. I was looking forward to returning...
It was to be a pleasant 3 days in NYC and celebrate New Years Eve in Time Square.
Things start to go awry at Heathrow where we told at check-in that the plane had broken down and it would be delayed for 9 hours - ho hum - but we were given a restaraunt food voucher for £7.50 as 'compensation'.
After walking around Heathrow for a few hours we decided to use the voucher but discovered the cheapest meal from the restaraunt was a burger and chips for £8.50!!!
Anyways at this juncture I should point out that the airline was Air India and is probably the worst national airline in the world!!!!
We got to departure lounge and were told that no-one could have the seats that they were given at check-in and it was basically a free-for-all. This was because the plane was already half full with passengers from what was Bombay..
The plane was filthy, the rubbish had not been cleared, there were screaming babies, it was cramped. United Airlines this was'nt!!!!
Food was dire, drinks appeared to be rationed (oddly enough not beer), seats were very, very cramped. Pillow - pffft!, blanket - pffffft! entertainment consisted of a screen on a wall that proceeded to play two movies, one in (I think) Hindu and the other a poor quality US movie which did not appear to mean anything...
The staff were polite enough. But the whole cabin needed a good clean. there appeared to be mystery stains everywhere. The upholstery looked as though it had'nt been cleaned for years..
The return trip was even worse. The Air India ground staff at JFK were idiots. They would not open check-in, would not let people queue for check-in. They just stood around gossiping.
When we did check-in and pass through security we had to go through another level of security - apparently Air India has 'special security status' in the US which means extra vigilance. My son and I were advised to take through one piece of hand luggage between us. Yet a lot of the people travelling past UK had massive amounts of hand luggage - some of which could never qualify for hand luggage.
Worlds Worst Lunch
Now, I have eaten most things all over the world and possibly the worst area for food is Cornwall. However the worst meal I have ever eaten was in Howard Johnsons in NYC, opposite Virgin Megastore.
I wanted something traditionally American to eat and on the menu there was something called 'Gran'mas Southern fried Chicken with corn and mashed potato'. this sounded right and ordered.
What came back is hard to describe - is this a chicken? what is this white stuff with the consistency of soup? I tasted what I quickly assumed to be the mashed potato and then spat it out. The chicken looked as though it had been put in a deep fryer at a high temperature and left there for days. I could not find any meat at all. Essentially what I got was a large piece of bone and gristle.
It was the smell that finally did for me, when was the cooking oil last changed - when US was a colony?
I left the whole meal because I felt naseous!
The meal cost $12 + $2 tip (I know....but I'm English)
Coming soon - Times Square
Avoid Newquay like the plague. During the day its full of topless red skinned youths. During the evenings its full of drunken topless red skinned youths.
Newquay must be the toilet of Cornwall and the people are'nt very friendly either. I had to ask in a sweet shop where the bus station was only to be told there was'nt one. On leaving the shop I discovered it was next door. They advertise 'Jamaica Inn' all over town but no buses go there!
The hotel made a big thing about its 'lift to the beach' but never worked once when I was there..
The 'traditional Cornish pasty' appears to come in all sorts of flavours except traditional!
Padstow - Now this is a nice place except that the bars appear to be populated by racists....
Scilly Isles - Pleasant enough but the food left something to be desired. I had a lasagne in a bar and it was probably the worst lasagne I have ever had.
Cornwall 2005
I decided this year to do part of the south West Coast Walk. From St Ives to Penzance. so this particular section is dedicated to my adventures and mishaps on that walk.....
This section starts from a beach in St Ives and is tarmac'd. No problem I thought, piece of cake. then within 20 minutes I am climbing over rocks, avoiding and stepping into bogs. This goes on for nearly 2 hours! Not only that but the coves are extremely steep!
Rather feebly I 'climb' down the rocks and back up again to the other side. But I first make sure there is no one within a mile either side of me. If there is I let them pass with th eexcuse I am admiring the view.
After 4 hours I draw out the map to see how far I am from my destination (Zennor) and it is with dismay that I see that I am nearer St Ives then I am to Zennor. But I do notice that there is footpath that leads off to a main road 2 miles over fields. what should I do? no question.... an hour and a half later I'm Zennor bound on a rickety old bus....
I settle into the Tinners Arms and after my fourth (or maybe fifth) Stella I'm studying the map and in walks in a couple who passed me on the walk.
"How did you get here so fast!!" the woman exclaimed.
Not wanting to reveal that I cheated I found myself saying that I took a shortcut.
The next thing I hear is her having a go at her husband for not following this "obviously more experienced walker".
My cue to leave....
From this point on I decide I will do some of the walk on the official path and some on the road. This way I should get a mix of scenery (and of course there are pubs on the road). It is worth pointing that the stiles that dot the paths appear to be, for the most part anyway, not a townies perception of a little wooden thing. Most of them seem to require a skill and are quite steep - you have been warned!
What is it about Cornwall and their food - in my experience it is (almost) universally disgusting!! My advice to anyone wanting to eat in Cornwall is to read the following first:
Dont eat in:
A certain bed and breakfast in Zennor - Run by hippies and had to have a vegetarian breakfast which consisted of a soya sausage, a square hard thing which resembled a waffle but smelt like cardboard dipped in grease and a fried egg with the consistency of a tennis ball.
A hotel in St Just - Just weird, settled down in restaurant for breakfast, only to be told 'this room is for families only - please go to the next room'. After checking that I did'nt have "PERVERT" stamped on my forehead I settled down to breakfast "in the next room" where we were limited to only one cup of coffee, had to pay 30 pence extra for additional toast and have the smallest breakfast I have ever seen.
Finally a pub in Treen, near Porthcurno. Went to the bar to order food. Bizarrely I was told that I had to go next door to order it. Trundle next door. They ask "whats' the table number?" I trundle back and get number, return to next door, give order and table number, return back to the pub, table now occupied by someone else. I move to another table and keep eye out. Chicken and chips arrive and I explain that I have changed tables. The chicken is excreble, the chips (French fries) are cold and greasy. There is more meat in the ash tray than on my chicken. I decide to leave the meal. The guys at Howard Johnsons in NYC must come here for their training....
Coast to Coast - Easter 2006
Whitby - Pickhill
Start from Whitby - very nice fishing port with lots of character. Can see why its used a lot for 1950s/1960s filming.
Walk from Castleton on moor down to Lion Inn in the middle of Yorkshire Moors. The moors seem to go on for ever. Very very windy and in serious danger of getting blown down to the ravines or in front of traffic. Anyway, reach the Lion Inn after about 6 hours walking.
Nice place but staff not over friendly to say the least.
Following morning decide to bus it to Kirkybymoorside and walk to Thirsk.
Olde World Charm, heart of the Dales, Home of James Herriot - that's the publicity. BUT Thirsk is a dump!!!. Get JH souvenirs and retire to a pub for a much needed drink..
Couple of Yorkshire guys start taking p*** out of my London accent:
"Alwight Landan boy!!"
"Cockernee, Cockernee"
Decide to leave drink and walk the three/four miles to pub just outside Pickhill. - At this point I am changing pub and hotel names for reasons which will soon become obvious.
Just outside Pickhill there is a pub called The Red Lion. I stroll in there for a drink and sit down with a really cold lager, a red face and a heavy rucksack. One of the guys at the bar looks at me and says in a really broad Yorkie accent "Where ye walked fram mate"
"Today, from Kirkbmoorside" says I.
"Yow most be bloody mad!!" he says.
And for some strange, unfathomable reason I say (rather forcefully):
"Its for charity actually!!!OK!!
The bar goes quiet and the guy I was having a conversation with asks which charity.
Quick as anything and I dont know why I say "Cancer Research"
The guy then walks over and gives me a five pound note "Sorry mate, me old mum died she died of cancer, it a bloody good cause, well done"
The barman then walks over and gives me a tenner and says "well done" two other people give me pound coins and a child gives me some of her pocket money.
I am now in a bit of a fix all they need to do is to ask for some proof and I'm dead!
Hurriedly I ask for the pubs business card because it has to be all legit and I will need to send a reciept. Ten minutes later I'm out of there.....
That night it does cross my mind that I could pull this in every pub I go into...
Postscript: I was given a total of £18 after thinking about it i wrote a cheque for Cancer Research upon my arrival back in London.
Pickhill - Grassington
To follow
Yorkshire Dales - December 2005
Friday 9th - the start
Arrive at Northallerton and wait for 156 bus to take me to Leyburn for a weekend of walking. For some reason the number on the front of these buses doesn’t match those at the bus stop timetable and I have to settle for a 157. After changing at Bedale I arrive in Leyburn where there is a very tatty market going on - its now 1.30pm and make my way to the Black Swan hotel.
On arrival I am told that there is no reservation for Gwillym but there is a one night for a Mr Guilliam. I have to point out the spelling mistake and tell them its definitely for three nights. Then of course the room isn’t ready and can I come back at 3' o clock - leaving my suitcase there naturally. They will 'take it to my room'.
Leyburn is an average town nowhere near as pretty as some of the Dales ones and does lack character. The first pub of call is the Bolton Arms where I have a delicious Dales pie basically mince, mash and cheese. This is accompanied by a pint of Fosters..
Arrive back at three, suitcase still where I left it and have to drag it up the stairs, the girl first cant find the room and when she does she struggles to get the door open. An ominous feeling comes over me as I enter the room.
I have stayed in some hellholes in my time but......
....The 'ensuite' comprises of a dodgy sink in the corner.
....The television comes complete with a plug but there are no points in the room to plug it into.
.....Wall paper is peeling off the walls.
....Above the bed is 'fitted' (I use the word loosely) cupboards that appear to be made of other bits of furniture.
....The light is hanging precariously from the ceiling
....There are brackets on the wall but no shelves and the room is bloody cold!!
An early night is in order
Saturday 10th
Go down for breakfast, the room is virtually empty. I sit down but am told that my table is in the corner!!!
Anyways up to Aysgarth via Wensley, West Witton and West Constable. At West Constable stop at the Fox and Hounds for lunch. Have a great suet pudding and chips - massive portions and friendly staff - must have been bussed in from London.
Go to Aysgarth up some particularly steep hills, retire to pub for some Fosters ignoring the "Take thy shoes off" notice and then head back to hotel. Weather drizzly but the views are fantastic.
Stop in at Bolton Arms for a quick pint, usual miserable staff. Buy Private eye and retire for the evening
Sunday 11th
Decide to walk to Bolton Abbey. Pleasant views but train is rather run down. Reminds me of 1970's vandalised BR train. Spot pub with a Sunday lunch sign and decide to take advantage. Usual Yorkshire hospitality "have you booked?" - "er, well no actually", "I'll just check to see if we have space". He disappears before I could point out the fact that if he hasn’t got room then he should not f***ing advertise lunches.
Anyway he comes back and says there is a table available. Despite the landlords lack of customer service skills I stay and order the roast beef. As usual the food is fantastic and generous...
Get the train back to Leyburn. Pleasant views but train is a bit rough...
Monday 12th
Breakfast was absolutely disgusting!! Beats NYC Grandmas chicken hands down for the worst ever meal!! Really glad to pack my bags and depart. But its not over yet. As I say my goodbyes the manager asks if I could settle up. now, this is a bit of a shock as I thought I had paid in full by cheque some weeks before. He shows me the 'book' were written in red is "Gwillym - £20 deposit paid" - this leaves a balance of £40. mmmmm........... this is a tad suspicious as when I saw the book on Friday there was nothing written in there except "Guilliam". Luckily there is a cash point opposite the 'hotel' and I apologise and pay up......
As I have some time to kill I get a bus to Hawes and have a look around. For the first time I get a postbus back to Leyburn. This is a journey I will repeat as it goes all over the place including all the backwater villages.
Back at Leyburn I catch bus to Northallerton and train back to London.
As a postscript I discovered that I had paid the hotel and write a (restrained)letter to the hotel asking for return of money - which they send back...
NYC New Years Eve 2004
Air India
Last time we went to US we flew United Airlines, had wide seats, polite staff, decent food (for an airline anyway), free drinks, choice of DVD films that we could watch on screens that were embedded in back of seats, free earphones, blanket and pillow. I was looking forward to returning...
It was to be a pleasant 3 days in NYC and celebrate New Years Eve in Time Square.
Things start to go awry at Heathrow where we told at check-in that the plane had broken down and it would be delayed for 9 hours - ho hum - but we were given a restaraunt food voucher for £7.50 as 'compensation'.
After walking around Heathrow for a few hours we decided to use the voucher but discovered the cheapest meal from the restaraunt was a burger and chips for £8.50!!!
Anyways at this juncture I should point out that the airline was Air India and is probably the worst national airline in the world!!!!
We got to departure lounge and were told that no-one could have the seats that they were given at check-in and it was basically a free-for-all. This was because the plane was already half full with passengers from what was Bombay..
The plane was filthy, the rubbish had not been cleared, there were screaming babies, it was cramped. United Airlines this was'nt!!!!
Food was dire, drinks appeared to be rationed (oddly enough not beer), seats were very, very cramped. Pillow - pffft!, blanket - pffffft! entertainment consisted of a screen on a wall that proceeded to play two movies, one in (I think) Hindu and the other a poor quality US movie which did not appear to mean anything...
The staff were polite enough. But the whole cabin needed a good clean. there appeared to be mystery stains everywhere. The upholstery looked as though it had'nt been cleaned for years..
The return trip was even worse. The Air India ground staff at JFK were idiots. They would not open check-in, would not let people queue for check-in. They just stood around gossiping.
When we did check-in and pass through security we had to go through another level of security - apparently Air India has 'special security status' in the US which means extra vigilance. My son and I were advised to take through one piece of hand luggage between us. Yet a lot of the people travelling past UK had massive amounts of hand luggage - some of which could never qualify for hand luggage.
Worlds Worst Lunch
Now, I have eaten most things all over the world and possibly the worst area for food is Cornwall. However the worst meal I have ever eaten was in Howard Johnsons in NYC, opposite Virgin Megastore.
I wanted something traditionally American to eat and on the menu there was something called 'Gran'mas Southern fried Chicken with corn and mashed potato'. this sounded right and ordered.
What came back is hard to describe - is this a chicken? what is this white stuff with the consistency of soup? I tasted what I quickly assumed to be the mashed potato and then spat it out. The chicken looked as though it had been put in a deep fryer at a high temperature and left there for days. I could not find any meat at all. Essentially what I got was a large piece of bone and gristle.
It was the smell that finally did for me, when was the cooking oil last changed - when US was a colony?
I left the whole meal because I felt naseous!
The meal cost $12 + $2 tip (I know....but I'm English)
Coming soon - Times Square
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)